9 February 2008

After a fairly unremarkable 4 and a half years, I suppose it's time for another post. I'm currently holed up in my parents' house without any cigarettes, reading through a stack of Vice Magazines. It turns out I am embarrassingly addicted to cigarettes. It's only been about 14 hours since I had one but I can't think of much else. And I can't go and buy any because the only reason I'm at my parents' house is because they've gone on holiday and left my little brother (7) here. So I can't leave the house with him still in it, and I can't take him to the shop with me, since he's the one person in the world who doesn't know I smoke, and I don't really want that to change.

The other day I was playing a tennis videogame at someone's house, and I was doing a fairly mediocre Henman-style serve and volley, holding my own and all, but Evan Almighty had been on for what seemed like hours, so I had to leave. On the way back a group of 12 or so 30something working class gentlemen stopped me. I did the ostentatious 'earpiece removal/head turn/quizzical eyebrows' maneouvre. "What about you mate, southern or northern?" This was a good question. "Uh...northern," I responded, as if it was the only answer that makes any sense (it is). Their response was pretty fantastic. About three quarters of them did things people like that do when they're drunk, like put a hand in the air or make football noises, whilst berating the rest of the group, who I'm guessing were idiot southerners and deserved it.

However I couldn't join in at all, because, and I have no idea why, I was obsessing over the fact that as a child, I was brought up to refer to my grandparents as 'Grandma Bristol' and 'Grandma Cambridge' (my proto-Granddad Bristol had died before I was born so Grandad was fairly specific. In case you are wondering, Grandma Bristol is still going strong, only she now lives in Taunton and nobody has called her Grandma Bristol for years). I don't know why this was bothering me so much. Something to do with how everyone else had much more sensible names for their grandparents. Why would you pick to name them after where they live. I was around 5 years old at the height of these names, and had no real concept of Bristol or Cambridge. I would get in a car, fall asleep, then I'd wake up and we'd be there. Plus I didn't like the idea of being a Granddad Manchester or something when I was older, if that situation ever happened. I'd want a much better name, like Granddad Fantastic or Granddad Airship.